Cybersex

Up until now I thought cybersex was something that other people did. Well there is a first time for everything, and now I have crossed that line between me and 'other people'. Now I am 'other people'. Not sure what to make of this. I'll need to do the math on this and meditate to figure this one out. On the one hand it's not as complicated as it seems. on the other hand, the one rooted in reality, being married complicates things for me. Technically one could say I've ventured into internet adultery. That concept seems a bit silly to me on first inspection. That would make fantasy suspect, whether or not it was a secret fantasy or not.

But aside from complications...
It was exhilirating. And interesting. Obviously I knew what to expect, but how it happened was entirely new and unexpected. My internet lover guided me through nuances of our chat, asking me questions and getting to know me by exploring my sexual needs and wants. I felt out of place and skeptical in the beginning, but I chalked it up to inexperience and stayed the course. Soon I transformed from an unsure and somewhat uncomfortable disposition to a natural one, relishing in the telling of my technique for orally arousing my lover. It felt good, but not like the way being 'bad' feels good. Like taking the photos of myself, this new experience challenged me in ways I'd never considered. I felt naughty, but validated. I'm a deep well of intimate secrets, some that I keep hidden from myself, most notable my sexual appetite. I'm in recovery from codependency, so it's been easy for me to justify a sex life fallen shy of my expectations. But over the last couple of years, I've gotten better, and come to terms with my sexual needs. So in secret, that is without my husband's knowledge for the most part, I've been exploring internet porn, women's erotica, erotic writings and fleshing out my own erotic fantasy in prose.

So this cyber experience...hmmm.

to be continued.