What Would Anais Do?

Read a quote today from the lips (or pen perhaps) of Anais Nin:

"I have the right to love more than one person and to change my prince often."

She fucking rocks.

Like the true Anais Nin wanna-be I struggle with this concept inside my fledgling erotica mind. Many times in my life have I loved more than one person at the same time, but my struggle is truly believing I have the right to love more than one person at any one given moment. There's always an element of betrayal in my mind, as if my love is a known quantity, a finite resource that can only be doled out in equal amounts. Taking on another lover means subtracting the love from a previous/existing lover, an injustice of sorts, and through no fault of the existing lover(s). And to further complicate things, I inject levels of 'lover', whether it's physically, virtually or privately in my own fantasties. I beat myself up thinking this way, and my thoughts are always expressed no matter how hard I try to suppress them. My lovers sense the tension. They may or may not wonder what's wrong - i may be cool and indifferent or on fire with lust - but they sense a change.

And perhaps jealousy works this same way in my mind. What if Anais also meant to say that her lovers have the right to love more than one person and change their princess (or prince) often? I wonder all the time if my lovers have more than one lover (which they all do, I'm certain) and it makes me feel inadequate because my rules as outlined above also applies in this scenario; I can't be happy.

So I shift my thinking to love and what it means to love more than one person. Perhaps my love is NOT a known quantity, a finite resource. There is no "peak love" in existence. Sustainability with regard to love is a moot point. Perhaps the way my love works is like the federal reserve and money; when i need more, I make it. That doesn't seem too far-fetched. Or is it?

Perhaps love is energy that cannot be created nor destroyed. It only changes form. We fall in and out of love, discover new things about our lovers, thus our love waxes and wanes in response to that. But is there value in wondering about amount? How much love do I really have?

Anais would probably put her pen down right about now and tell me to stop thinking about it so much and get to the heart of what I really truly feel inside about her quote. And therein lies the issue. I don't know.

Anais Nin was a formidable journal writer, a National Geographic Explorer of her own mind and sexuality. I know exactly what she would do. Write about it. Maybe start a blog.

I'm one step closer...

The Mind's Eye

The mind's eye is the best camera and the body memory never forgets. I can see his face and feel the head of his swollen cock between my lips. The ridge is so thick and pronounced, the skin of his massive piece is stretched taught and hot to the touch, like leather seats in a car that's been parked in the sun. My mouth watering, cools his throbbing, and I slowly roll my tongue around the head. He emits a gasping 'ahhhh' and closes his eyes, head thrown back for a few seconds. I hear myself moan, mouth full of penis, and the thought of it now causes a wave of pleasure that moistens my panties, just as it did when his cock was so hard in my mouth. I could tell his pleasure was mounting, excellerating like a car out of control; his brown eyes became wild with lust, my lips clenched around his cock, sucking, moaning, and sucking hard. And at a high rate of speed he came furiously in my mouth, spurting his cum on my waiting wet tongue, and moaning in delight I tasted his sweetness.

Objects

It was the first time I'd ever seen or held a dildo in my hands. I'd seen them, in a case or from a distance but never touched them. Always curious about them, wondered who shopped for them, who sold it to them, what conversation transpired between shopkeeper and customer.

And now I had two of them. I purchased them online from the comfort and privacy of my own home, so no shopkeeper banter. I won't go into details about them except that one needs batteries and the other doesn't. There are so many out there to choose from it's mind boggling. And the mind boggling doesn't stop there. It's amazing what a couple tools will do to get the job done...

A couple of sites that are fantastic to shop from are Babeland and Adam & Eve. Check 'em out and I guarantee you will find something you can't live without!